so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
