You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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