I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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