If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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