the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
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