Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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