She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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