I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
