Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
