So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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