Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
