why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
