Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
