well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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