In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize