if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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