Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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