I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
People in love make me want to vomit
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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