even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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