MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
