I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
