If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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