I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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