I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
