he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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