There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
