omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
