Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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