So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
