bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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