well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize