Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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