She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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