I got chris browned last night
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
