On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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