When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
