Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
