Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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