Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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