I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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