btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she looked like the before picture.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
