they need to just BURY HIM!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize