"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
