You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
