If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
