Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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