We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
