What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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