can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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