Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
