i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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