I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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