It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
