at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
