you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
