Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
