the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
