he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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