i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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