were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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