I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
