your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
