Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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