There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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