drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
