My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
