Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
