Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
this is an emotional support booty call
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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