Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize