I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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