I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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