I am in a vortex of obligation.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
